Most of us have experienced loss of some kind in our life. When this involves death or divorce it can be extremely difficult to find your way out of the grief. Even though friends and family mean well, some of the things they say sound like a foreign language because they have no idea how you are feeling. Sometimes we feel like we should be over it , but can not seem to move forward with our lives. Other times, we jump into something else without allowing the grieving process to complete itself. I know in my own life, I lost my father at age 19 and my mother at 29. Both were extremely difficult for me.
Until I lost my father, I thought if I worked hard I could have anything I wanted. But this time I had no control over the situation. I was the eternal optimist. I am still very optimistic but gained a little more realism in my view of the world.
Ten years later, when my mother died four days after entering a coma, I became depressed( very unusual for me) and did not want to socialize or do anything fun. Three months later, her spirit came to me one night and I woke up as my old self. I needed to talk to her and had not been able to before she died.
Both of these losses were very difficult, but did not uproot my world as much as losing my husband of 17 years, leaving me with a 7 year old son to raise by myself , his business and my full time job. This loss turned my world upside down. Some friends asked if I was going to move back to my hometown. I thought they had two heads- I was trying to figure how to put one foot in front of the other and keep living. Four years later , I started a new phase of my life as a single person again. Fifteen years later, my son has graduated college and I am engaged to a wonderful man who I have been dating for seven years.
The main lesson I learned through these losses was to give myself permission to grieve and not to expect too much too soon from myself. At first we are overwhelmed with what has happened, it doesn’t seem real. Then we start trying to live again and find it difficult to function. We begin thinking about the past and trying to connect to the present. Then we have to discover who we are now , since our previous identity with the significant other is gone. As time progresses we realize this is a new chapter in our life and we have to reinvent ourselves. This can be scary if you have been with someone for a long time. Eventually we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. This can be even more difficult with the loss of a spouse with children left behind.
I recently read the book seen above, “Finding Daylight after Loss Shatters Your World, Seven Choices” to help me in my energy work with clients experiencing loss. It was extremely insightful. The best part was letting you know all the weird feelings, emotions and thoughts you experience are totally normal with grief. I would recommend this book https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Choices-Finding-Daylight-Shatters/dp/0446690503/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527959510&sr=8-1&keywords=finding+daylight+after+loss+shatters+your+world.+seven+choices
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk for a few minutes about this http://omnigirl.net/contact/
I will be hosting a Guided Meditation ” Living after Loss” on Monday June 18 at 7:30 pm http://omnigirl.net/events/
I would love for you to join me in this group meditation.